Sunday, January 29, 2012

Depressed is when you've been strong for too long Ch.1

What I look like

I walked off a plane. Now in Japan, I was coming to live with my twin
brothers Kaoru and Hikaru Hitachiin.
My dad died, so I had to go live with the rich freaks.
I saw the twins, a girl, a guy with glasses, and a boy with golden
hair with a taller boy with black hair and a solemn expression.
I walked to them quietly. “Kaoru and Hikaru Hitachiin? I'm
Ellen January.”
“Little sister,” They chorused.
“I'm the same age as you two, thank you very much.” I shot back.
The others were stunned. “Kaoru and Hikaru aren't twins, but triplets?” Kyoya Ootori asked.
“I blocked all information on me, so for the very purpose of people trying to find out information about my family.” I smiled. “I literally don't exist unless you know my name.”
“Wow, you're good. It's very hard to hide anything from him.” Blondie commented. “I'm Honey and this is my cousin Mori.”
“I'm Ellen. I'm Kaoru and Hikaru's triplet. I may look completely different, bu that's because we have different fathers. My father just died and my stepmothers kind of a bitch. Kaoru and Hikaru opped for me to come live them, so I accepted.
We walked to the limo that was waiting outside.
The girl introduced herself as Haruhi Fujioka. I'm in the Host Cub with everyone else, masquerading as a male.”

I told another lie today
and I got through this day
no one saw through my games

“Nice.” I said.
Inside the limo, I was offered food, but I declined. “No thank you. I'm not very hungry since I ate on the plane.

I know the right words to say
Like I don't feel well
I ate before I came

Honey said, “You're very pretty. You're sure you're related to
these shady twins?”
I nodded. “Yes, Honey. I'm sure.”

Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy

We arrived at their mansion after dropping everyone else off.
They showed me my room and once they left, I began to cry softly.

But when I'm alone
no one hears me cry

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be okay
Together we can make it through another day

Unbeknownst to me, Hikaru and Kaoru were in the next room.
Kaoru sighed. “She starts school tomorrow. Who wants to bet she will kick Tamaki's ass?”
Hikaru nodded. “She won't take any of his huggy lovely dovey crap.
Either way, she won't eat. I know with how skinny she is, she won't
last long with the Japanese food.”
Kaoru broke in. “We are giving her the male uniform. I wouldn't
be able to stand seeing her in with the yellow buffaloes.”
“Wonder what she'll think of our 'brotherly love' act?” Hikaru
asked. “I'm going to get her the male uniform. See you later.” He left
and soon after Kaoru followed suit.

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I choose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better

I cried myself to sleep with my stomach growling loudly at me.

There are days when I'm okay
And for a moment for a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not okay
And I need your help
So I'm letting go.
I was losing my sanity every day and I knew it. It was hard for me just to get up and get dressed, much less manage to take care of myself.

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be okay
Together we can make it through another day

My hold on reality was slipping and I knew that, unless I found
something worth living for, my sanity was good as gone in a couple
months.My therapist had confirmed it. I was as smart as hell, but
without anything to want to live for, I'd die, or at the very least go insane.
It wasn't that I wouldn't eat, it was that I couldn't. I was never hungry. The medicine that I was on made my appetite diminish greatly.
The next morning, the twins jumped on my bed to wake me up.
“Imouto,” They sang. “We have your uniform. But first you have to promise us not to be appalled if Tamaki-tono asks you to join the Host Club, because he doesn't know you're a girl.”
I nodded. Whatever.
What I look like at Ouran
They thrust a robin-blue pantsuit with a ruffled top at me.
I try to open my eyes
I try to see, but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I don't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

I took the uniform and went into the bathroom, slowly getting

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I've got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Kaoru knocked on the door. “You almost done? The cook has prepared scrambled eggs, the way you like them.”
“Thanks Kaoru. I'll be right down.” I called.

Two hours later...

It was time for my second class and I was moving through the hallway silently, drowning my ears in music.

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound, but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't,

I bumped into someone, jostling my music. The dude was wearing a dark cloak, a green wig, and he was holding a cat puppet.
“Hello, I greeted softly.
“You must be the new student. I am Nekosawa Umehito, head of the black magic club.” The weird boy introduced.
“Well Nekosawa, it's nice to meet you.” I said. “I'm Miharu Rokujou.”
He left quickly, as though I had said something to offend him.
I shrugged, not really caring. I tried to find my way to my second class. Although I made a very cute boy with my chest-bound anyways.
Girls literally swooned when I came in the door. I growled. I was of the same sex, yet they all seemed to like me. Of course they thought I was a guy, but still.

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I sighed, looking around the classroom. I saw Haruhi, who smiled at me softly before going back to listen to the teacher.
I looked at the board, I knew all this stuff already. I lay my head on my desk, hoping to catch some shut eye before having to deal with the twins again.
Thankfully, I did get some sleep before the bell rang and I really wanted to just skip the rest of school, but I knew Kaoru and Hikaru would have my head if I do.
I plugged in as I walked through the hallways looking for something to do during the breaks.

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't wanna go there anymore
And I know all the steps up to your door
But I don't want to there anymore

Talk to the wind, talk to the sky
Talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find

'Gladly,' I thought. 'I'd ask him why he sent me to live here with
absolutely no happiness whatsoever.

I'll leave my window open
'Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
That you'll come in with the rain

I could stand up and sing you a song
But I don't wanna' have to go that far
And I, I've got you down
I know you by heart
And you don't even know where I start

Talk to yourself, talk to the tears
Talk to the man who put you here
And don't wait for the sky to clear

I'll leave my window open
'Cuz I'm too tired at night to call your name
Oh, just know I'm right here hopin
That you'll come in with the rain

I smirked to myself. 'I wanted to go with my dad when he died. He was all I had left besides these two bozos.' My smirk faded. 'Why couldn't I have died instead of Daddy?' A lone tear slipped down my cheek.
I've watched you so long
Screamed your name
I don't know what else I can say

But I'll leave my window open
'Cuz I'm too tired at night for these games
Just know I'm hopin
That you'll come in with the rain

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't wanna go there anymore...

I bumped into Haruhi as she stepped inside Music Room 3. I followed her in. Honey saw me first. “Hi. What's your name?” He asked cheerfully.
“Miharu Rokujou.” I answered softly. “Where am I?”
“You're in the Host Club, my beautiful,” A taller blond lopped over. “Prince.” He finished lamely.
I raised my eyebrow at the twins. Obviously they hadn't told him about me.
There they were, snickering behind their hands at Tamaki's astonished look.
“The Host Club doesn't open until after school.” Kyoya's voice came from the back of the room.
“I'm not here for the Host Club senpai.” My voice dripped with annoyance. “I'm here to talk with Kaoru and Hikaru.”
The twins hurried over. I smacked them upside the head. “There a reason you didn't tell whoever that is about me?” I pouted.
They didn't like the look on my face. They both knew what that look meant. They'd worn it many times themselves. “No, otouto.” They stammered.
What's-his-face perked up. “You have a younger brother?” He asked them eagerly.
I frowned. “I'm not younger than them. I'm their triplet,
except that I don't look exactly like them.”
“Oh,” Tamaki said in shock. “Okaa-san, why didn't our sons tell
us about their other brother?” He whined.
“Probably because this would happen,” He muttered. He
straightened his glasses. “Because that way he wouldn't get involved with
the Host Club.”
Tamaki pouted then his ridiculous face brightened. “Otou-san has
another son.” He tried to hug me.
I dodged. There was absolutely no way I was letting him touch me. Fucking creeper.
“You must join the Host Club!” He ordered. “Then Daddy's family has another member.”
I looked at the idiots who put me in this position in the first place. They shuddered under my glare, although I was a couple inches shorter than they were. My glare promised revenge. “Fine,” I muttered.
“You can be the depressed and lonely type.” He announced.
I shrugged. I already was depressed and lonely.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, have I got it
'Cause mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

It was the last class of the day and it was almost time for the bell to ring. I was packing up my stuff when the twins came up to me.
“Otouto,” They chorused.
“What?” I grouched.
“We have a surprise for you when we get home.” They smiled.
“Whatever,” I muttered, not really in the mood for one of their
“But only of you can tell which one is Hikaru,” They sang.
I pointed at Hikaru. “You are Hikaru, end of story.” I grabbed
my bag and walked out. They followed me to the Host Club and I looked
at the decorations.
“Lord help me.” I murmured.
“Who's Lord?” Kyoya asked with a notebook and pen ready.
I walked off, looking for a place to sit down. I saw one by Honey.
Plopping down beside him, I greeted him, before covering my eyes and laying back.
“Ellen-chan,” He whispered.
“Why don't you smile?” The question was simple. It was the answer that was complicated.
“I'm on the edge of a knife.”
I looked at Mori. He was watching me intently. “I'll put it this way. Insanity and death are the same to me.” I gave him a soft smile and ruffled his hair before getting up to go over to Kyoya.
Obviously you must know who this is
Mori POV
I watched Ellen intently. I knew what she meant. While Honey wasn't a stranger to death, he didn't always understand the references that people made.
She left to go to speak to Kyoya. She was pretty, but I knew her views on things like that. It was similar to Haruhi's. She had no need for materialistic things. I had heard her talk to Nekosawa. However she was too pure for him to be around her too long. I even knew that.
Honey looked at me. “Mori, what did she mean?”
“She's depressed and won't be able to hold on for too much longer.”
I answered.
Honey's eyes widened. “Can we help her?” His voice got softer/
“Only if she allows herself to be helped.” I said, my voice barely
“We have to help her.” Honey said determined. “We just found her.
We can't let her go if she's just going to kill herself.”
'That's the spirit.' I thought fondly.

Ellen POV
I went over to Kyoya. “So senpai, what do you actually do in the Host Club?”
His glasses glinted. “Why we please women of course.”He said, with an underlying pinch of sarcasm.
I rolled my eyes. “No I meant for real what do you people actually do?”
His gaze narrowed slightly. Not many people could tell when he's lying. “I take care of accounting and financials, Tamaki is as you could call the king, Your brothers do twincest, Haruhi does natural, Mori and Honey senpai do cute and silent. I have honestly no idea why Tamaki asked you to join.” He said. “Although what he chose did fit you tremendously well.”
“Gee, thanks. Let's shout it out to the world that I'm depressed.” I stalked away, going over to Haruhi. I looked at her. “How do you put up with it?”
She giggled. “I'm not here because I want to be here, I'm here because I broke a 8,000,000 yen vase on my first day here.” I looked at her. “Okay, I do get some amusement from the Host Club, but I am their so called dog. They've never had instant coffee or ramen, if you can believe it.”
“I don't like ramen very much. It tastes...odd.” I commented.
She nodded. “It does, but I enjoy instant coffee.”
“Is okay, I suppose.” I shrugged. “I think I'll help you with your debt. Besides it'll be fun watching Tamaki in his little emo corner.”
“I can't let you do that.” She protested.
“Nonsense. Of course you can, besides Haruhi, won't it be funny
when the physical exams come up.” I winked.
“Physical Exams are coming up?” She asked.
I nodded. “They are like fortnight away.”
“Fine, you can help me.” She paused. “On one condition,”
“You have to try to be happy.” She said.
I was mock-surprised. “Happy? Aren't I happy enough already?”
She smiled. “I see through your facade. My mom was like you, sort of depressed at time, but she hid it really well. So Dad and I had to watch her to make sure she was okay.” Her smile faltered.
Tamaki, being the oblivious idiot that he is, came up to us and announced, “The
host club is opening now!” 

Okay this is a story that was originally in a notebook. I don't own:
Ouran High School Host Club
Untitled-Simple PLan
Come in with the rain-Taylor swift
Mirror-Barlow Girl
I do own the character named Ellen, but I don't own Miharu Rokujou. The name's from Nabari Ou No, if anyone thinks it seems familiar

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