Sunday, January 29, 2012


What i look like

 “Leave me alone,” I cried out.

I kept having these nightmares. I hadn't gotten any sleep in years. I looked at the clock. It was midnight and I already knew I wasn't going to get any more sleep.

I had been taking so many pills and even attempted suicide, but nothing worked.

Originally, it had started out as a couple nightmares a month, then it progressed to a few a week, next it was every other day, and now it was every time I fell asleep, be it day or night.

I got up and got dressed, preparing to go train until it was time for me to go to the training field. I was stuck on a team of weirdos.

Naruto Uzumaki, holder of the Kyuubi; Sakura Haruno, stalker chick and fan girl of Sasuke Uchiha; Sasuke Uchiha, chicken-butt head and blood thirsty avenger; lastly, Kakashi Hatake, jounin sensei, lazy and perverted copy-cat nin.

I was Ellen Iwasawa, depressed and quiet, always drawing and listening to emo music.

I had borne the burden of my family's deaths and responsibility of raising myself since I was three. The village scorned me for they thought I had killed my family. They scorned me more than they scorned Naruto.

Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi already didn't like me because of how I dressed and Naruto was just wary, as was all the rest of the villages.

I made it to training ground seven and began training while listening to my music. Right now, I'm not okay was blaring in my ears.

"I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I saw the others coming already. I prayed to Kami to let me make it through today without somehow 'accidently' on purpose injuring myself.

Or one of them.

I took off my bag and dug through it. I found a granola bar and ate it.

Sakura stared at me. “Sensei told us not to eat.”

I looked at her. “Well, fuck him and besides how will I pass without eating to keep up my strength?” I asked it, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was. Sort of.

Sasuke just looked at me with scorn. Naruto just looked wary. And tired. They all looked tired. I looked worse than them, because unlike them, I hadn't slept in years.


I meditated until Kakashi get there. When he did, he stayed far away from me. The freak. I laughed silently.

Yep. I'm the freak.

He told us the rules, speaking only to the others, not caring if I heard or not.


Naruto attacked him first and was met with a 1,000 years of death.

One super ass poke.

Sakura was trapped in a genjutsu.

Sasuke was trapped underground.

Sakura promptly fainted when she saw Sasuke's head while his body was underground.

Kakashi finally came after me, clearly thinking I was the weakest of the group.

“Team work,” I said aloud, which I didn't do very often. “You put us on teams so we would work together.”

“How did you know?” He asked suspiciously.

“Simple. We fail the exercise, you don't have to deal with a bunch of snotty brats. So you choose the most obvious thing in the world.” I told him sharply. “You knew they wouldn't work with the freak of the village, so you deliberately pitted us against each other, and your plan worked. Congratulations.”

“No,” He began.

“Cut the crap. I know you don't like me and I know you never wanted me to be on your team. You even signed the petition to get me kicked out of the village.”

“That's classified.”

“When you kill your clan, you get lots of new skills,” I mocked. “You won. Congrats again, I say. I would applaud, but I'm just a dumb freak.” I hopped off the branch, leaving him stunned.

I sat down and gave my lunch to Naruto while we were served lunch. Sakura mocked me. “Freaks in love,” It was.

I punched her in the jaw after the training was over. I walked out of the village, the guards at the gate pitying me.

I looked for danger and I lived my life on the line. I wanted to die and no one else would care. Twenty years later they would go, “Hey, where'd the freak go?”

I scoffed. By the time I got back into the village, it was eleven. I reported to the Hokage and vanished to my home. I lived where my family had been killed. I felt closer to them and I preferred to be somewhere someone had died. The stories were interesting.

The Iwasawa clan communicated with the dead. My clan was in a better place. Except me. Even in my own home, I was a freak.

No sleeping, no eating, no drinking. Maybe I would die of malnourishment or dehydration. Or better yet, maybe someone would kill me in my sleep.

I felt someone come up to my door. I went and opened it. It was the spirit of a wolf cub. It's brothers and sisters were still in danger and the mother was still fighting, but she was dying quickly.

I rushed to them and fought off the danger. The mother looked at me and asked me to take care of her cubs. I nodded in agreement.

I picked them up and the spirit cub licked my cheek and disappeared. A lone tear rolled down my face.
What the cubs look like

In the litter, there were three boys and three girls. Sensing they could trust me, they snuggled in my arms and fell asleep.

I went back to bed and they curled up next to me. I slept a little and when I woke up from my nightmares, the runt snuggled up next to me and helped me back to sleep.


After weeks of meaningless missions, I finally saw Naruto get fed up and complain.
After wards we were given a c-rank mission of escorting a bridge-builder back to the Land of the Waves. I didn't trust him. He called Naruto short and me, he called a wolf freak. My eyes narrowed. He was so lucky he was drunk.

We met just inside the gates. I brought the whole litter and their food. Nothing but clothes for me. A little bit of water in case any one got suspicious.

Sakura and Naruto ragged on Kakashi for being late. Sakura looked at me. “Why all of them?” She whined.

I looked at her dumbfounded. “They are cubs, Stalker chick. They can't yet take care of themselves and I don't know how long we'll be gone and
unfortunately I have never had any intention of them ever being alone in a house by themselves.”

Tazuna looked a bit wary.

Freak. It was in his eyes.

We passed a few puddles and the cubs whined. I told them, “I know, I know. It hasn't rained in like forever, that isn't a regular puddle.”

Suddenly, two sound nin attacked and we walked away clean. Naruto decided to kill himself.

Nearly. Pity he didn't succeed. He panicked and I took his hand.

“Naruto,” I ordered. “Stop, you're making the poisoned blood move faster.”

He obeyed.

I sucked the poison out and the wound closed up quickly.

Tazuna explained everything.

It was the fight with Zabuza that really cracked me up.

It was really funny when my friend, Haku, pretended to be a tracker nin and he and Zabuza made their escape.

Kakashi collapsed. We carried him to Tazuna's house and he slept.

This is where I actually start being a ninja, so technically, this is where my story starts.

Kakashi woke up and looked at us. More accurately at them.

“Zabuza is still alive.”

Everyone gasped.

I snickered. They looked at me.

“What is so funny about this?” Sakura asked.

“The fact no one noticed it before.” I said.

Ayame and Kouga rolled around on the floor making me laugh at how Kouga was trying to get away from Ayame.

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